What God has joined together...

Reflection
October 4, 2009
27th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B

Today’s readings take on a rather touchy theme – that of marriage and divorce. It is rather clear that God’s intention from the very beginning was for the marriage bond, proper only to the man and woman is to be absolute, permanent, exclusive and fruitful. Jesus Christ reaffirms this in the Gospel. It is on these among others that the Church teaching and discipline on marriage is rooted – in God’s will and the natural course of creation. It is on these basis, among others that the Church teaches that only the man and woman can marry, that their marriage is to be exclusive (it is between the two of them, no side trips) permanent and indissoluble (no return, no exchange), and whenever naturally possible, open to life (open to having children). It is on these among others that the Church teaches and enjoins married couples to be faithful to each other, and to be always open to life.

But more than the legal prescription, marriage is highly esteemed by the Church because it is more than a contract or a partnership. Marriage is a sacrament – a sign of an invisible grace that effects this grace as it signifies it. What is marriage a sacrament of? It is a sacrament of God’s love for us. It is a sign of Jesus’ love for his church. It shows us God’s unconditional, faithful, eternal love. A married couple’s self-giving love for each other is a sign of God’s love for us. Just as a spouse loves, accepts and gives himself or herself to his or her spouse, so God gave and gives himself to us.

But some marriages fall short of the sacrament – not because of a lack or deficiency of God’s grace, but failure on the part of one of the spouses, or both of them. The words of Jesus in the Gospel are strong – “what God has put together, let no man put asunder.” Let us take this on a positive note – “what God has put together, let every person nourish and nurture.”

These words speak to all of us today.

To senior married couples, your life, your years of fidelity to each other and to God, very often put to test, we know, is an encouragement for new and not so new struggling couples. That you hang on and continue to care for each other is a powerful witness of enduring love. An eight year old was asked what she thought love is. Her reply - "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

To married couples having the time of their life with their children, happy and fulfilled in your marriage and family life, and young couples enjoying the newness of the grace of marriage, you are a living Gospel of hope. Remember what a wise person said – Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry. Another said - All those "and they lived happily ever after" fairy tale endings need to be changed to "and they began the very hard work of making their marriages happy." Keep the Christian joy in the home even in difficult times. A four year old defined love in this words - "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." And remember to be always the first to give, not demand. And parents, be a good example to your children, so that when they think of love, family, justice, fairness, compassion, they think about you.

To married couples undergoing struggles, try as much as possible to be the solution to the problem and not be the cause of it. It takes only one to ruin a marriage and two to sustain it. If both choose to be part of the solution and not the problem, there is hope for the marriage. I find it rather amusing that marriages in trouble are referred to as marriage on the rocks. Playing on the words, I would like to believe that a marriage will not be in trouble if the marriage is on The Rock – Jesus Christ. If the foundation of marriage is Jesus Christ, if the married life is lived according to the values of Jesus Christ, and if each of the spouses becomes Jesus Christ to each, both selflessly loving each other, no marriage will ever be on the rocks.

There are however cases when the marriage had not been there since the beginning. When spouses realize this, the Church helps them through the annulment process. Some would say that this is the Catholic equivalent of divorce. Very much different. Divorce is an attempt to dissolve a marriage that existed. Annulment recognizes that there was no marriage from the very beginning.

The words of the readings also speak thus to those planning to get married, or have set their eyes on the vocation of married life. To you who are planning to get married, even young adults and teen agers who are more or less inclined to the vocation of marriage, the call is to choose right. There is such a thing as compatibility – I would like to think that this is God’s way of spelling serendipity or destiny. After God created Adam, he made him name the animals. But he found no suitable partner among them. And so God created from Adam’s side, the woman – and the rest is salvation history. You who set your sights on marrying should choose right – choose a suitable partner – somebody who completes you. This is what the dating period is for. And then when decided, prepare for the marriage. The church offers lots of help to do this. In the meantime though, stay pure, and not dip your finger into acts proper for marriage couples until you are married. Love is not just sexual attraction. Love is commitment.

And finally, for all of us, let us mutually encourage each other. Let us encourage married couples to be faithful. Let us struggle for holiness in our own state of life – married, single, consecrated, ordained. Let us continue to pray for each other.

What God has joined together, let every person nourish and nurture.